5 Things Women Hate To Hear

By the time a woman has reached the age of thirty, she's discovered an unfortunate pattern with the majority of men and the asinine turns of phrase they use. The first few times she heard these stupidities, they probably didn't bother her overmuch. The 1000th time was probably well annoying, and the man in question probably didn't see her knee coming until it was too late. Save yourself, and your boys, by avoiding the following phrases. Actually, you'd be better off avoiding the sentiments altogether.

1. Are you going to eat all of that?

All of what? This meal that consists of fewer calories than the one you're stuffing your face with? Hmmm. Yes, I guess I am. Since you clearly think I shouldn't, I'm leaving you here to dine alone; I'll just go on home and change into the frumpiest clothes I can find, grab the spare box of chocolates I hid in the bedside table, plop my presumably fat arse down on the sofa and watch Bridget Jones' Diary 36 times. And when I'm through reminding myself that there are better men than you in the world, I shall go to sleep on our gigantic king sized bed and you'll be sleeping on the sofa.

2. Is is that time of month?

Unless she's actually holding a box of tampons in her hand when you ask, don't be a smartarse. Just because we're annoyed with you for constantly piling the sink up with dirty dishes and never cleaning them; just because we're tired of you forgetting our birthday every single year; just because we're tired of missing every TV show because you want to watch "the game" does not mean we are PMSing. And if we do happen to be PMSing when you ask something this stupid, be clever enough to out of knee's reach.

3. Your sister/mother/best friend is a bitch.

Careful with the bitch word, and careful with any put downs involving her friends or family. I don't care if your woman absolutely detests her sister, don't call her a bitch; not even in private unless you are super duper certain your woman will be cool with it. Yes, this is a double-standard. It's also just how it is.

4. I don't complain when you leave the seat down.

No, you don't complain when we leave the seat down. And do you know why? Because we're the ones who clean the seat and everything else surrounding it. Do not use stupid excuses like this. The person who cleans the toilet is the person who gets to determine the appropriate state it should be in. If you want to leave the seat up, start cleaning the toilet yourself.

5. Isn't there anything else to eat?

Tired of our cooking? Tired of eating the same thing every day? Here's an idea -- cook it yourself! Better yet, take us out to eat and then you can order something perfect and we won't have to clean up after you!